Priorities and Perspective
In my first post, I discussed the importance of "knowing your why." As you think about your goals, it's important to understand why you want to do it, and your goal shouldn't be solely based on what others are doing. Your "why" doesn't have to be something magical. Once you start focusing on a goal that excites you, you have to think about priorities and perspective.
If you haven't yet, listen to or read the amazing quote/speech Nick Foles gave after the Super Bowl. He starts off with "I think the big thing is don't be afraid to fail..." He goes on to talk about how the things we share on social media are more of a "highlight reel." Foles discusses that life isn't always easy. He also talks strongly about his support group around him.
Just because you should do a goal for yourself, doesn't necessarily mean you should be completely selfish. If you are single, no kids, no pets, and have a flexible job situation, go ahead and be selfish. If you are extremely talented and get to a pro level allowing you to train for a living, hell yes! Many of us are often jealous of people like this because they have less priorities and can focus most of their attention on their training and reaching their goals. This is awesome, but it's not the reality for most athletes. Most of us need to keep things in perspective based on our own lifestyle and responsibilities.
The process of choosing goals and races should be intertwined with serious consideration of your priorities and responsibilities. Many people I talk to, and athletes I've read about, say that it's feasible to do 2 things well in your daily routine without compromise. Maybe these two things are work and marriage or work and kids. After we add more responsibilities or life just adds more, we begin to naturally compromise. So, you want to do a race or go for your next goal, but you have kids, a job, marriage, pets, a house, and many other responsibilities. This is often something that doesn't balance naturally like other life events. Thinking about all of your responsibilities often deters people from going after their passions and goals. This is perfectly understandable considering how much is already on the plate for many of us. Don't dismiss the goal(s) if you really want to go after them, but don't ignore all these other responsibilities.
Consider all your responsibilities in life while you're setting goals or about to sign up for something, NOT AFTER. Create lists of priorities, have conversations with your family and friends. If you create balance and you have a clear perspective on how you will will try to fit everything in, you will be successful. Yes, I said, and agree, that you can only do 2-3 things in life well without balance and compromise. So, once you have your priorities listed, you can start figuring out the compromise needed to be successful in all areas of your life. Don't get me wrong, stress might turn into a rollercoaster, but if you think about this during the planning process you'll have a good perspective on things and be able to adjust.
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As I wrote this, I wasn't sure if I should even include personal experience. My daily responsibilities are nothing compared to many of your hectic daily lives. I did decide to include some personal connections, but you don't have to read them to understand and connect to this topic. The below section goes into my personal experiences so feel free to skip down to the last
2 paragraphs if you just want the overall gist of this blog.
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Personally, I've experienced this on my own level, but it's nothing compared to the compromises many of you have to make or consider. My wife, Tiff, and I do not have many of the responsibilities that many of you have in your daily lives. We don't have kids. Yes, that frees up so much more time for us to go after our goals. The other major factor that helps is that we often have similar goals. Our work schedules are tough though and we tend to set pretty crazy goals. A lot of the races I want to do are in the fall which is right when school starts back up. Even with less responsibilities than most, our schedules, and the fact that we often want to do different races, force us to compromise.
Most recently though, from 2015 through this year's Boston Marathon, our goals were pretty much the same. In 2015, we both decided to go after the goal of finishing our first Ironman. We came to this goal in totally different ways. Tiff's story and lead up are way more interesting, and I highly recommend you listen to her podcast about her experience signing up for an Ironman before even owning a bike, figuring it all out in a year, and doing Ironman Lake Placid in 2015.
For this 2105 race, we had a great group of club members and friends to train with up to the race. We used each other to help navigate the hows and whys of training for our first Ironman. I had more flexibility in my schedule to be able to train with others. Tiff's schedule varies, and she often had to train long by herself. She also didn't have many others at the time that were at her pace on the bike as she was just starting off. Her challenges were different, but she knew her goal and stayed focused throughout the process. We don't have kids and still needed to adjust our daily routine to meet the demands of training and keep a clear perspective on how much we could actually fit in on a regular basis.
Last year, we decided to do Ironman Lake Placid again. We also wanted to qualify for Boston which can be tough when also training to bike and swim for the Ironman. Our perspective had to shift from 2015 when our sole focus was finishing our first Ironman. We planned to go after a BQ in March at the Shamrock Marathon. This forced us to get even more creative with our training and daily routine. Being honest with ourselves and our priorities for these races and for everything else in our lives, allowed us to be successful. After the successful marathon experience, we readjusted and focused even more on Ironman training for the next 4 months.
In 2015, with a great group around us, we, we got through it. I know now that I would have thought about priorities and perspective more early on in the planning of this race, but really it's tough to understand the demands of training for Ironman your first time through. In 2017, Tiff and I both had clearer heads. I planned to continue to run hard with the goal of just running off the bike better. The main goal though for both of us was to enjoy the process and love every second of the race. So, I decided to train almost all my cycling and swimming with Tiff. You'd think this would create a lot of tired, cranky arguments, but it did the opposite. We just loved everything about that training cycle and race. Yes, we struggled, and no it wasn't easy, but with clear perspective and priorities, we had such an amazing experience.
So, here in 2018, our priorities have changed with the arrival of our puppy. This is our child. we want to do everything with this dog. We don't need others to understand, but we needed to reevaluate our priorities and perspectives. I decided that a year or two of just running goals will help create more flexibility. I have some huge goals, but run training is much easier to fit into daily life than also doing swim and bike training. This actually creates the need for more discussions and compromise though as Tiff and I are doing a lot of different races. I even bought a treadmill which I thought I'd never do. Another big compromise for me is missing the club workouts and interactions with club members, but I understand my new responsibilities goals. I had to be willing to adjust my priorities.
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So, yes, be willing to adjust things. I'll probably have a whole post on being flexible and being willing to adapt. Having conversations with your family and friends around you is extremely important when going after your goals. Make sure they know how excited you are about what you are about to do, but also be willing to listen to them and their questions and concerns. You have to have a clear understanding of what's most important in your life. You also have to understand that they may not share in your excitement and not have the same goals. What they need to understand though is why it's so important to you. Some things are non-negotiables and compromise is a must. Don't isolate your friends or family. Bring them along with you and make sure they are on board with you as you start your journey. They will often have to compromise as well. Keep things in perspective. Maybe now is not the time to go after a huge goal that might require you to train 10-20 hours/week. That's ok, and do something that still excites you but fits into your lifestyle. Remember, your why and your responsibilities belong to you. Don't get caught up with what everyone else is doing. At different stages of our life, we have the ability to do different things, but with clear priorities and perspective, everyone can achieve their goals on their own timeline.
Knowing your priorities will help set up your perspective as you go after your goal. So, you're not someone who has little to no responsibilities? Don't worry, they are the minority. Your approach will be completely different. Realize that the longer you go in endurance sports, the more sacrifice you need to make. You may lose some friends and gain others; you may need to restructure family time; you may need to wake up super early just to get your training done so that you can still take care of your kids or other responsibilities after a long day at work. No matter how far you are willing to go to reach your goals, always keep in mind who and what is most important. After prioritizing your responsibilities and figuring out how much time you can put into your training, your perspective on things will become clearer. Never forget your "why." This will help while others around you might be training longer or harder and going after bigger races. Do what you do for you, and bring your family and friends along with you. In my next posts I'll discuss trusting the process, being flexible, avoiding the noise. Throughout it all, smile and make sure you're having fun. Remember, you always have a choice. Do whatever you do because you want to do it.
